breathe in and breathe out… in an attempt to let it all go, but you know nothing is really leaving your body, if anything there’s a cyclops of hormones hovering over your plushy flesh, crowding around your headscarf, waiting to attack what little sanity you have left.
so you opt to breathe in and breathe out. you opt to repeat a cliche in your head like those colorful ass posts on IG: “luv yourself”, “be free”, or my favorite, “breathe in, and let it go”. [insert subtle sarcasm]
better yet, you opt to get back on that one blog you abandoned over a year ago, while your newborn sleeps in his moses-look-a-like-bassinet, and your partner grades overdue papers in the next room. while “smoke” by luke levenson plays softly in the background behind white noise coming from a plastic owl above your baby’s diaper station. of course the white noise must be louder than mama’s playlist. of course little one’s needs are priority.
of course things will never be as they were before.
a random dog barks outside. he sounds big, maybe. baby makes a slight startled noise, like he might want to wake up. you look over instantly at his bassinet and he appears to still be deep in slumber. you resume typing and finally realize that you are holding your breath.
out.
you count down the days until you’ll be guzzling down Korean beer and spicy udon soup. until then, hot chips and Oreos will have to do.
in.
out.
-j
flowersrisin 